i'm signing you up for texting rehab
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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