You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
