life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I currently don't understand fingers.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
