Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
