I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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