I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
