he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
