u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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