You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
