It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
