Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize