yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
