we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
