You made me cry and you don't even care
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
