i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
