I'm going to rape someone's good day.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
it's like iHOP with fire
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Blood and glitter go together right?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
