Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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