But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
