can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
