3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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