I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize