I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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