He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I checked into jail on foursquare
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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