dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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