I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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