Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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