he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
