You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
