My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
