listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
