Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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