You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize