i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
