My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
