i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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