Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize