Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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