so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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