"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
