If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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