haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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