Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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