My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Randomize
