Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
