Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
