I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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