erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
