You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
