Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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