just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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