I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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