i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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