I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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