Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
