whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
