I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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