I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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