I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
