I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
