every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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