Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
