I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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