I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
