I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
