talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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