i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
How's work?
Spinning.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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