it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
