I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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