There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
