Already got asked if we're dating
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
