Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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