idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
