apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
