So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
