she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Randomize
